Staring at silence.

Ever looked at your phone just a second before it starts ringing? Why did you look at it? When you're not even expecting a call?

I keep day dreaming. I am happiest when i do. Because when you dream at night you have no control over what happends, but in the day dreams it is whatever you want. I never noticed before though, that they are slowly creeping into real life. I keep dreaming of perfect people and a perfect me in a perfect life where I will age but never actually grow old. I think that I will will find someone who makes me feel like celebrities do. That weird tingly feeling where you want to watch all of their films and not want their scenes to end. Even walking sometimes feels perfect to me. Like a certain way I put one foot infront of the other. At the most calming pace, like I have no where to go and it is effortless and pointless but I am walking because I can.

But sometimes, imperfections creep into my perfect world. Like I will line something up, I will be tidying something and I will place objects so neatly in the corners of a table or perfectly in a box and it makes me feel good, but when I stop, I realise that they will never be perfectly in line. And I have to ignore that feeling because it is so wrong. I think this is how OCD's start.

I had a dream about her last night. She was wearing a blonde wig and she would only take off the blonde wig and reveal her naturally brown hair when she was alone with me. I know what this means. But weather it is true or not is a different story.

Is it really so much in life to ask for honesty? Surely so many situations would sort out if you knew 100% that there was no chance of a person lying. This is where trust comes in. Because we can't prove things, we have to trust if we want to get anywhere in life. But alot of the time, the trust is a lie, but we have to do it anyway otherwise we will never know, and if you want something so badly, you will risk it, and trust.